I’m not processing things well
Everything is going wrong
Fixing them seems unbearable
If not impossible
The anguish is shocking
It’s the pain and fear
Of disappointing you
All of you
Because what if that taints
Whatever love or respect I receive?
What if I lose it for good?
I fear that this downward trend
Shall never end
That I won’t overcome
That life will be just as hard
With a cloud of despair looming over me
Maybe even outright dejection
Will hang on my shoulders
Gaining on me year after year
Not leaving, always growing
Always there




I don’t like that I keep writing sad poetry
It sucks that my life is just that way right now
Anxiety has got me up tight
Anguish follows every failure
And now disappointment looms like
A pit of quicksand that I’m sinking into


“The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas as in escaping from old ones.” John Maynard Keynes. (via quotedojo)

A Sinking Feeling

I must be getting dumber
This isn’t who I used to be
I could retain knowledge before
I could apply these concepts
I used to be a whole different student

It’s not getting harder
But I keep feeling worse
Performing abhorrently
Falling apart like a disaster narrative
I can’t imagine a different life anymore
I can’t believe how far I’ve fallen
And I’m so scared that I’ll
Just keep on sinking
Into some oblivion I cannot comprehend
It’s mortifying



A Talented Failure

I’m so scared of failing
I’m damn good at it, though
Every time I try harder
I just hurt and want it all to go
Go away
And leave everything behind
Because what use is someone with useless talents
Trying to survive a world of lies
About how hard work always pays off
When honestly that’s dishonest
I’m a circle peg being shoved in a triagular hole
But it’s not something I can back out of
At this point
And I’m crushed
I just hope I’m not too damaged to make it work



Then What

I need a heart
Mine’s been fading for a while
It just might go and
Then what will I be?




My actions kill me 

Surely enough but I’ve yet

To try to change them



One Thought Leads to Another

Do I want her?
Does she warm me like sunlight?
Or is it just the loneliness making
You shine more than normal
I’m so scared by the idea
That others might see like I see me
"I will work harder"
I try but that’s a motto that kills
When one goes too far
I feel like I’m tearing apart
By trying to hold it all together
Letting go can’t happen though
Failure means too much this time


“My biggest fear is that eventually you will see me the way I see myself.” Anonymous¬† (via suspend)

(Source: xrvchel, via ricketybookshelf)


Almost Remembered Dreams

Almost remembered dreams are the worst kind
They call to you like memories of a lover
Enticing you as you sit up in bed
Angry at your alarm for stealing something so real
Or was it so real?
You might know you’ve been speaking with someone
Maybe yelling, maybe hanging out, maybe making out
But it’s gone except to whisper to you all day
While you get to work on things that you’re
Told to care about but suddenly can’t focus on
Or maybe you can see her
Just behind what you really see
Taunting you about the good times
You don’t even know you had
But they leave a hole in you in the morning
Just the way a kiss leaves you full
Almost remembered dreams
Are the reasons I go back to sleep at night


“We strain to renew our capacity for wonder, to shock ourselves into astonishment once again.” Shana Alexander. (via quotedojo)



Self Destruct

I keep bringing small disasters on my head
Without ever knowing why
If I didn’t feel so dead
I’d give real life a try
Instead I’ll just wander around
This city I love but hate
What it’s done
To my life



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